Jack's Little Girl

So, today's my daddy's birthday.

I've been dreaming about him all week, and it's never a surprise to encounter him in a dream, just like he never left. Because how could he have left? How is it that he's gone? After five years, it's still not sunk in.

A good girlfriend lost her daddy this month. Our neighbor died Sunday, and I know his daughters. And D's oldest friend is in his last days (or, hopefully, weeks) with a horrible brain tumor. So, all that, plus it being December 15, brings it all right back. The 6-week period between his diagnosis and his death. The last week I spent with him, mostly just the two of us. The last time I saw him. The fact that I wasn't there at the end.

I still tear up, but I no longer sob. It just is, and it just was. It happened. It's over. I keep thinking about it and reliving it, though. I guess I'm still processing it all, five years later. Just like with Lainey. I think about it, and I think about it. It's so surreal. I have to keep reliving it to remind myself that this is the way it is. They're both gone.

But not forgotten. Never forgotten.